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FINAL
JOURNEY
The woman was dying. Everyone in the room
knew it was inevitable and yet, the woman
held on and the pain she endured was palatable in every heart.
The intensive care unit was too bright so she closed her eyes
but she held on fiercely. She did not want to die. In spite of
the cancer that caused upspeakable pain, in spite of old age,
in spite of her family who truly wished she would just let go
and relieve them of the unbearable pain that comes with the loss
of a mother, a sister, a friend, in spite of it all, she just
held on. She was afraid. Terrified in fact. She preferred the
pain of living like this, a hollow shell withered up in a hospital
bed, to death. Any life was better than death. Death felt like
a huge blackness, a nothingness, a final separation of the old
woman from everything that ever mattered. She simply could not
bear it. She groaned as she experienced gnawing pain in her joints,
her head turned to one side. Her lips were dry and her eyes half
closed. The doctor injected more morphine to ease the pain and
told the family, "It won't be too long now". "Nonsense", the patient
thought. "It will be long...I will not go. No one can make me".
A small cry escaped from her lips as another racking pain tore
at her body. Eventually she slept. Time passed and when she woke
again she noticed that the drugs had taken effect and the pain
was more bearable although her head was fuzzy and her arms felt
heavy. She heard the voices in the hall but could not make out
the conversation so she strained to hear more clearly. One voice
became distinct to the woman while the others faded into space.
"I have been sent to you to give you comfort and love as you make
this journey. I am your angel and I promise that you will not
suffer any longer. Come. Come take my hand and float with me above
this final earthly trial and into the light". The old woman was
drawn to the voice but pushed the vision away for she was frightened
and would not be tricked into taking a walk with death. The angel
floated across the room and stood by her side. She caressed the
wrinkled old face, her gentle hands reverently touching each withered
cheek. "My fingers cool and hushed as April rain will calm your
world and make it whole again. My touch will take the sting from
this harsh day." The old woman relaxed and wondered what it would
be like to just let go. Still she was afraid. The angel spoke
to her quietly, "Come with me, my dear. Have trust and faith and
I promise you freedom from the pain. Come move toward the light
and if you change your mind, trust me you can return to this place".
"I can come back," the old woman thought, and she was still afraid.
It would be so sweet to have no pain even for a moment or two.
If this does not feel right I can always come back." The morphine
was wearing off now and the old woman fought the pain but found
it exhausting. Soon it washed over her in great waves and she
found that she could hardly breathe. She longed to rest for a
while and she reached up to take the hand of the angel. As their
fingers touched, the old woman felt herself drawn up into space.
She floated there, suspended by invisible threads and she watched
as the doctor and her relatives burst back into the room. She
noticed the shell of a tiny withered woman, still and quiet in
the hospital bed and she heard the sobbing filled with both pain
and relief. "I can go back", she thought. The memory of the pain
and of her crippled body now frightened her for this was her first
experience of peace in months. She remained motionless and continued
to float and observe. She remained suspended there, hand in hand
with the angel and began to notice a pull in another direction.
She looked up and saw that where the ceiling ought to be, there
was a beautiful blue sky with a circle of light at its center.
She longed for the light. She was drawn to the circle of light
and discovered a long tunnel which promised to lead her home.
She was at peace and wondered why she had not let go months ago?
The angel read her thoughts and replied, "God's greatest gift
to you is the power of choice and even at death, each person must
choose the exact moment". It was clear to the old woman now. She
had wanted to remain connected to those who loved her on earth
but that time had run full circle. She knew instinctively that
she needed to become connected to the one who loved her eternally.
She looked one last time down on those who had been part of her
earthly family. The old woman blew a kiss and touched each cheek
gently before she finally spiraled up and up and away. The old
woman and her angel floated together through the tunnel toward
the light. The old woman felt disease, old age, sad memories and
her humanity slip away as she moved closer to her creator. When
she reached the end of the tunnel she had become a dazzling shaft
of light and was finally home. |
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