ANGEL
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LOVE'S
REFLECTION
She
waited until her husband left for work. She waited for the house
to become a quiet and solemn retreat and then she would shower.
She tried to wash the pain away and she prepared to face another
day. The hot water peppered her body and raced down the drain
taking with it all the last vestiges of sleep. She felt good...as
good as she was likely to feel all day and she wished she could
keep this feeling in a tiny flask around her neck to use occasionally
as the day wore on. Julie stepped out of the shower and began
to towel herself dry, first her long dark hair, then her arms
and legs and belly, finally her feet and back. Then she looked
into the mirror on the bathroom wall and stared at the reflection
there. She saw herself in the worst possible light, naked and
quivering and the negative thoughts began to crowd her mind.
"I am so fat," she moaned. She examined the stretch marks on
her upper legs and breasts. She counted the flat brown moles
that covered her back...eleven of them. She turned slightly
to one side and noticed that her stomach protruded just enough
to counter balance her buttocks in the back as if less in either
place would cause her to topple over. Julie shook her body just
a little and watched the ripple of flesh as it jiggled in every
part of her torso. Feelings of unworthiness and pain filled
her mind. It was the same every single day, this ritual. She
would examine her imperfect self and grieve for her lost youth.
She would criticize herself harshly as she examined each part.
She would often cry for a while and then she would begin to
make herself promises. Today, I will not eat anything that will
make me fat. Today, I will exercise. Today, I will give up cream
in my coffee and butter on my toast. Today will be the first
day of the rest of my life and I will change just like a beautiful
butterfly. Unfortunately, every day played over and over like
an old record because once Julie had dressed and gone downstairs,
her emotions were somersaulting with criticism and abuse. These
feelings guided her to the kitchen where she would find the
only solace she had ever known. Promises made and promises broken
but the food tasted so good. Julie knew that she would pay the
price later but for now, she just ate. Usually this was the
next part of her daily ritual. Usually. Today played a little
differently though for as Julie glanced back into the mirror
just before she was to go get dressed, she noticed a distinct
grey halo surrounding her entire body. She turned full face
into the mirror again to look more closely. Yes. There was a
definite grey shadow about three inches thick and it encased
her silhouette entirely. As Julie stared into the mirror, she
heard a voice. "Julie, you are sweet and beautiful in the eyes
of God who made you. Your shape makes no difference to those
who love you. You are perfection, a body full of light and love.
Stop this self destruction now before it ruins your entire life."
Julie was stunned but could not deny that the voice was real
for it was clear and distinct and it echoed about the ceramic
bath. A vision appeared in the mirror just above and to the
left of Julie's refection...the face of an angel...the face
that Julie instantly recognized as a face she had seen many
times in her dreams. The angel face smiled and her eyes swept
over Julie's naked body. There was no reaction or revulsion,
only love poured forth from her face. The angel spoke once more.
"Julie, look carefully into the mirror and tell me what you
see"? Julie looked long and hard before replying, "I see my
overweight and imperfect body and I am surrounded by a grey
layer of something". The angel looked at Julie with eyes of
love and responded, "The grey halo is one of your own making,
dear. It is the reflection of your thoughts about yourself.
Would you like to see what I see when I look at you each morning?
Would you like to see what God sees? Julie nodded and watched
as her reflection changed before her eyes. Where an overweight
naked woman had stood, reflected in the mirror was a sphere
of shining light. The light played and danced over the surface
of the mirror and broke into crystals of rainbow colored hues.
Julie could no longer see her features. There was no body and
no face, just a dazzling shape filled with sparkeling lights.
Julie was overwhelmed with the beauty that was reflected there
and as she began to appreciate every aspect of this vision,
the grey halo changed to a blue-white light radiating from the
outline in the mirror. The angel smiled. "Dear Julie, you have
seen yourself in the truest light and you have finally changed
your own halo to one which matches your spirit. Keep these thoughts
close to your heart and live your life in peace. You may change
or you may not change your outer characteristics, but know that
whatever you do, you cannot change the perfection that dwells
within". Julie was stunned for as she continued to look at the
vision in the mirror, she saw that her body was slowly coming
back into focus. For the first time in her life, Julie saw that
body as beautiful and the halo surrounding her remained a stunning
blue-white light. A healing had taken place that morning for
the woman who had always been so hard on herself. She saw the
beauty inside for the very first time and she became beautiful
outwardly although she did not change her physical self at all.
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